Self-mastery Nº81

So, what are you going to do about it?

Photo by cottonbro

Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.

— Henri Bergson

I love the feeling you get when the quality of your relationships doesn’t rely on how much time you’ve spent together—but the understanding you and a friend have in that a strong connection comes from sharing a deep level of happiness other without force. In other words, the feeling you get from low-maintenance friendships makes life easier in so many ways, mainly because you can learn a lot from people who find it easy to be laid back.

I have a few friends like this, and a best friend of mine recently expressed a view during a phone call that felt separate and yet connected to my worldview. It hinged on my mind for weeks.

My job opens my eyes to the reality that I’m not the main character on Earth. There are many people with problems similar (or worse) to mine out there. But while talking through it with my friend during our call, he made one simple conclusion: many people live to complain about their circumstances. But regardless of whether it’s their fault, they don’t do anything about it. Nothing changes, and then they blame everyone else. So quite simply, when things don’t go your way, ask yourself—what are you going to do about it?

Life is full of problems, and many of them will come to you. Will you dwell on them? Or will you, when they do arrive, do something to overcome it? I know that I need, now and forever, to be the person who loves and cares for myself most reliably. I’m the only person who can see my dreams, failures, all the dark spots and all the cracks of light. I’m the only one who can make myself drink the water from the lake I was brought to. I can be brave, scared, cruel or kind, give feedback gently, and believe in myself unconditionally. It comes down to what I plan to do about things when it’s not going my way. Because it’s my responsibility to do something about it.

I started writing this editorial outlet to interrogate myself, accept myself, look at my goals and then give an answer to “what are you going to do about it?”. In doing so, I thought that if I could see my actions more clearly, I could see the world clearly. I could have a view of success not reliant on validation or permission. Challenging what I’m doing about making life better for myself like this gives me time to examine the way I think, move and live in the same way we examine the body of someone we love. Every day I think about where I want to be, and a natural driver of achieving this comes from this one question.

So, if you want to make things better in your life, move on, or eliminate pain, start with asking yourself what you’re going to do about it.

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What I’ve Learned

Here are a few lessons I learned recently.

Growth requires loss

No matter which way you go in life, you need to be comfortable with loss in order to grow. People focused on growth are not afraid to lose, fail, or work hard. Whereas people who don’t enjoy growth of growth are fearful because it means reshaping an existing way of being, which is too ‘comfortable’. But this can be self-destructive.

Celebrate tiny wins

In my quest to slow time down, I emphasise being happier when I succeed at the smaller things in life. Things such as getting through the day happier than before, ticking one or two important things from my list, or completing a small job on time. People rush through life thinking the small things don’t matter, but they make the greatest difference because it helps you to remember to enjoy the journey.

The beauty of networking

I’ve been pretty busy lately, making an effort to connect with new people online and build a network of inspiring people I can talk to as I work my way through my career. And it’s been amazing. I love to hear people’s stories and learn about their career paths because there’s often more to learn than you expect. As small as one conversation can be, it can do wonders for your confidence, happiness and belief in your future.

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What’s on My Mind

I turned 25 on Friday, so here are 25 lessons I have learned so far:

1. Life is short but also long

2. Start as early as you can

3. Train yourself to stay positive when you usually don't want to

4. Embrace change (I wouldn’t be where I am if I didn’t)

5. Say “yes” by saying “no.”

6. Tell people how much they mean to you

7. Travel

8. Invest in your environment (people, places, etc.)

9. Invest in quality (shoes, mattress, professional massages for neck pain, etc.)

10. Search for silence

11. Enjoy the complexities of being human

12. Show, don’t tell

13. Practice mastering your emotions

14. Stop overthinking and start doing

15. Rely on yourself for positive energy and share it

16. Don’t find yourself; create yourself

17. Never lose your inner child

18. Give yourself permission to fail

19. Follow what excites you

20. Prioritise your health

21. Don’t let an elevator pitch define you

22. Being different is better

23. Love your work

24. Trust life’s process

25. Love yours (no such thing as a life that’s better than yours)

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A Question for You

Is there something you want to change or get better at in life, and if so, what are you going to do about it?

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Thanks for reading. Until next time,

Joxen.