How we don't take things personally
Inertia — 203
When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
— Don Miguel Ruiz
There will always be moments when someone’s words can land like stones in still water, sending ripples through our peace. We catch the sharp tone, their distant gaze and subtle dismissal—suddenly, we’re searching within ourselves for what we did wrong. But here’s the secret whisper that’s never said loud enough: the problem is rarely about us at all.
Think of people as walking libraries, each carrying volumes of unspoken stories. When they lash out, they’re reading from a chapter you didn’t write or even know about. Their anger? It’s like rain from clouds formed miles away, falling where you happen to stand. In those cases, the best thing we can do is hold an umbrella and step aside, understanding that their weather isn’t ours to control or change.
Consider the puzzle pieces we used to play with; some fit together like they were made for each other, with edges clicking into place with a satisfying certainty. Others, no matter how you turn them, simply don’t connect. And you can’t force it.
But it’s not because either piece is flawed; it’s meant for a different part of the picture. Some people’s puzzle piece—like yours—isn’t meant to sit in the section portraying your present. Some are for the past, and some are for later. It’s not a reflection of anyone’s worth. It’s simply the world’s way of keeping a space open for a piece that will. And it goes for jobs, relationships, and opportunities in life. Just because one piece doesn’t fit doesn’t mean nothing ever will.
Take these five reminders and see which one you need the next time you need it. Sometimes, we do fan the flames of other people’s hurt, and we do need to own up to that. But more often, the issue is deeper than what we just dug. And it just takes more careful excavation, with a friendly smile, to look after what’s around you.
Their behaviour speaks their story, not yours.
When someone’s anger flares at you, it doesn’t mean you are the storm. Their words might crash on your shoulders, but their tempest was likely brewing long before you. Everyone carries an imperceptible atmosphere of past hurts, unspoken fears, and battles we often distract ourselves from. Their reaction is often an echo coming out of their inner world—a world you didn’t necessarily create and cannot control. If their frustrations spiral like autumn leaves in a harsh wind, you needn’t catch each one. Sometimes, the kindest gift is the simple understanding that someone else’s weather isn’t ours to change. You can help them understand the problems in their story, but it’s not yours to erase or re-write.
Incompatibility is not inadequacy.
Some souls don’t harmonise. And that’s it. As two songs played in different keys, it’s not that either melody lacks beauty or layers or sophistication or that one is better than the other—they simply weren’t composed to blend.
Think of all the perfect things that don’t fit together: ocean waves and mountain peaks, desert heat and the Arctic, dawn’s first light and midnight’s cover. Each is complete in its own way like we are. When someone’s life doesn’t weave smoothly into yours, it’s not a flaw in your fabric or theirs. It’s the world’s quieter way of saying, “Not this one. Your pattern continues elsewhere.”
Pleasing everyone is impossible.
Universal approval is the dance no one can do. Imagine trying to be the perfect temperature for every person in a room. You’d drive yourself insane.
People change their minds faster than ever, and opinions fly like sparks from a flame. Someone will always care more about the size of your shadow and the silences in your song and complain about the thorns on your roses. It’s the nature of being human. Your existence isn’t meant to be a comfortable chair for everyone to sit on. Some will stand, some will walk away, and that’s the beauty of our differences.
Disappointing people happens, and adults can deal with it.
To make progress at all may even disappoint some people. Even those you thought would support you. You can make tracks in fresh snow and get closer to home where it is safe, and people would still bemoan the imprints that now exist where you trod.
Each step may have pressed against someone’s expectation, but would you rather stand still and freeze in fear? A tree needs to grow by breaking through the walls of its own seed, pushing past soil, and splitting through the bark. Does it care that it had to upset the soil to come out and benefit the world as they do? Growth, by its nature, disrupts. When you dare to do so, you’ll inevitably upset some people who cling to who you used to be. Let them feel it. Because the heart of an adult is stronger than people tend to think.
Authenticity is your soul’s natural filter.
Being truly yourself is like opening a window in a dusty room—it shows everything more clearly, including what needs to leave. Being genuine will attract some and repel others. Old friends might pull away, and that’s okay. Sometimes, it takes that to realise they’re at a table you shouldn’t be sitting on because you’re meant for something else or more than what’s there.
They were perhaps mirrors of who you were and a reflection of former boundaries. Our friends are often the sum of what we tolerate, and sometimes, we need the wake-up call to realise their stop is not ours. When you step into more of your truths, you’ll have to let some relationships fade and make connections that match your rising sun.
You’re not a book that everyone is meant to read. You’re unfolding in your own perfect time. Some will put you down, some will skim your pages and pick what they like, others will hold everything close to them. But let them all respond as they must because your worth isn’t measured by the size of your audience but by the truth of your telling.