Self-mastery Nº71

Don't wait to create your purpose

Dec 05, 2021

Have you ever felt so adamant on achieving something you’ve wanted for a while or making a lifestyle change you think would make all the difference, but you kept holding yourself back as you thought the time wasn’t right, or you wanted to wait until you had more money or were happier with yourself?

In my life, it was always somewhat frustrating — though I can be at peace with it now — that my biggest barrier to progress was not knowing what I want, but waiting too long to start it. It took years to decide to make some real changes I’d always thought about in my life. To practice mindfulness more, to create my happiness and not rely elsewhere, to be more optimistic, to look after myself better, inside and out. It sounds stupid, but at one point I thought I could make my everything change with a simple blink.

And it’s okay, you can say it’s stupid.

It’s known that boundaries are essential for self-esteem and emotional health. But we don’t learn as easily that creating boundaries means knowing yourself: who you are, what you want, what you’re willing to tolerate or not tolerate. You have to create yourself to breathe that better life into existence.

Looking at myself and what I’ve seen over the years, most people’s sense of self is often situational and dependant on external feedback. A lot of how we define ourselves comes based on what others think or tell us when we don’t know ourselves enough to feel more integral about our values.

But, even if you don’t pay attention or have trouble getting that feedback, you still have a deeper self that enables you to create yourself. How to unlock it? Think of it as your preferences over time create you. Not aspirational but consistently demonstrated. Qualities that have outlasted most other things.

That’s when you flourish.

My paradox of time believes it’s short enough to have no reason not to chase the dream life you want with a ferocious sense of conviction. No waiting. No hesitation. But time is also long enough to see there’s no need to feel bad for not getting to it right away — nor should you put any blame on yourself.

It can even be dangerous in today’s world to wait for reason that motivates you enough to create yourself. Self-mastery is about the consistent demonstration; letting outlasting qualities shine and figuring out what they are. That’s why you’re here, that’s why you’re still reading.

On each January, I set new habits, goals, and standards to continuously work on through the year. It gives me something to do, but importantly: I never need another reason to keep going. I want to be someone who’s comfortable in myself, with ability to do and to sustainably create happiness and finish most things I start — without needing to erect a mental barrier between myself and the world. It’s a vision that centres around creating, and it’s one I hold close to my heart.

What I’ve Learned

“Being pleasant and having a good attitude is a simple way to become luckier”, said James Clear. I’ve thought about this for a long time. I’ve had people ask how it seems like life falls into place for me, and I say that I’m not lucky, I just keep positive and have a good attitude. I used to be negative, close-minded and such, needlessly adding friction to any interaction someone had with me. But since that stopped, opportunities seem like they flourish out of thin air. We’re all lucky in our own way, but it’s hard to win without the attitude and optimism to believe you can.

What’s on My Mind

The upside of working full-time and working on other projects has been that I’ve never felt so productive. The downside is I miss working for myself. But, this lifestyle only reassures me I’ll carry lots of knowledge into the future I still plan to create.

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One Timeless Quote

“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
— Jack London

Brain Food

“The book showed me just how fluid things like self confidence, self love, happiness and preferences in things are: rather than being set in stone, we can make them change with the simplest of experiments and therefore, we shouldn’t tie our identity to them too much and try to change them in the direction we like quite easily.”

→ Rip it Up: how to (really) change your life - A Summary by Elizabeth Filips