Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.
― Judy Garland
Be who you are, and release the guilt. A decision that can make you feel as spirited as the warm summer air that whispers through your ears, takes the weight from beneath your eyes, and puts a smile on your face.
The pursuit of happiness often gets entangled with external validation and social expectations we don’t understand. In life, you’re the decider and director of your energy. It’s like a garden: you can plant whatever you choose, nurture it, repair mistakes, and watch it all grow. But many people spend too many years in their heads, planting nothing. Or they cultivate their gardens by peeking over the fence and copying what the neighbour is doing.
You see towering sunflowers, and your envy decides you must have the same—even though you love other delicate wildflowers. You uproot your own plans to make room for what other people seem to value, ignoring the unique soil conditions of your own plot and wasting your time on pointless competition. The joy of tending to your own Eden gets lost in the constant comparison and attempts to replicate others’ success.
Morgan Housel made a good point about how we can measure success internally by asking:
Would I be happy with this result if no one other than me and my family could see it, and I didn’t compare the result to the appearance of other people’s success?
True fulfilment lies in independent decisions that align with our internal values and measures of success. Look at nature; a historical quote says, “Nature is not in a hurry, but everything is accomplished.” (Not sure it’s Lao Tzu). We see the kingdoms of monolithic mountains, beautifully architected organisms and habitats, and billions of jaw-dropping creations that coexist without a hitch. Most of all, it all grows so silently. The world is compounding so quietly that you don’t notice the difference until it looks staggering many years later.
No one wins the social comparison game because someone is always doing better. It can make you feel ashamed, but it’s life. Someone will always have more money, faster success, better looks or “luck”, or an easier life in general. Competition is for losers and shallow breathers, and he or she who does not compete, but lives, has no competitor.
What sets the greatest sportspeople apart is their deepest focus on themselves. It’s them versus yesterday, and it gets to a point where almost no one moves like them. Cristiano Ronaldo once said that everyone may want to be him, but if he gives them the map, do they think they can do what he did or work as hard as he does? Because different wears everyone at different rates, and it does so faster if you compare yourself to others. It’s a lose-lose for most.
But once you stop, your attention will shift internally. Enjoying your life and seeing and following your own patterns becomes so much easier.
Christopher Morley said there’s only one success—to be able to spend your life in your own way. Everything else is fake. We all spend time overthinking what we’re doing and living in crisis because the voice in our heads is so loud. But nature knows life has no time to wait for it to get over you. So, the next time you wake up, think about being able to do anything you want, with whoever you want, for as long as you want—and go out and do it.
Instead of trying to be cooler or smarter or richer than everyone else, make a quiet bet with yourself to make things get slowly better over time.
You won’t be in a hurry, yet everything will be accomplished.